Time – and time away from what you’re writing – is a great editor. Every writer I know has the experience that we write something we think is terrific and look at it in the morning and want to cry. The writing that holds up a week later is the good stuff.
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After writing an introduction, write the body or the content of your essay in a logical and organized way. This would let your reader know that you planned your essay very well. In that manner, the reader would not be confused about your central ideas.
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Both sentences are saying the same thing. But the first sentence likely leaves you feeling cold; the language is vague and technical. The second, by contrast, tugs at your heartstrings (the poor children!) Were this written on a petition to save the school, you’d be far more likely to sign it than the first sentence, I’m guessing. And that’s the point of pathos: it hopes to persuade us by appealing to our emotions.
Instructors know that students sometimes resort to using these services. It’s an open secret on college campuses in the US and UK. Quiet as it’s kept, some professors may actually breathe a sigh of relief when finally, a student turns in a cogent paper. Ask any professor about the writing skills of her students, and she’ll give you an earful. It’s truly a massive, unwieldy problem, and honestly, I can’t fault students for coming up with a practical solution when they’re under the gun.